*In the writing of this post, no shade was thrown and no tea was sipped*

Just in case you don’t know me well…… i’m the short black girl in your class who you thought was stuck up the first day. the girl who is actually friendly but definitely won’t take anybody’s mess. I’ve never been perfect and I haven’t always done everything right. I have nothing but good intentions in everything that I do. I am always thinking about my friends, my family, and my peers. Thinking about myself and my desires is a learned action for me, and is often an afterthought. People tell me that I seem like I have it all together, but just like you, I’m still working on it.

I’m writing this post as a young lady who has experienced a lot of loss (I am blessed that most of this loss isn’t the lives of loved ones). The losses that I’m referring to here are relationships and close friendships. I could sit here and write an essay on all the different reasons that they ended, or I could tell you that, at the core, each loss was due to differences in values, in maturity or in personality. Losing the relationship of a friend who you were always there for, or a friend who you thought would always be there for you, is painful. It hurts. Then you’re just left trying to figure out what really happened, how to move on, how to walk past them and pretend that you never knew them. It takes awhile to remember that you can’t call them to talk about the everyday things that ya’ll use to vent about.

So ladies, here’s the part where I tell you what I’ve learned. First, don’t believe the hype about being unbothered and giving zero f**k’s. Let’s be real you’re only lying to yourself, because we all care about something and someone…it’s basically what makes you human. Second, don’t be so afraid of being hurt that you put up a million walls; your prince charming and your best friends will be able to get past a couple walls, but excessive walls is like telling them to go find someone else. Third, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” -Maya Angelou. Fourth, know who you are and know what kind of people you want and need in your life. Lastly, Always remember that everyone is in your life for a reason. It may be a connection of a lifetime or a relationship for just a season. Either way, learn the lessons you must learn and let them go if they must go.

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